The Marks of True Friendship

Love: As with all relationships, Love is the basis on which true friendship must be built. After all, only love will endure the tests that friends experience as we do life together. The Book of Proverbs states, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity" (17:17). Isn’t it funny how we can have many acquaintances, but few true friends, "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" (Prov. 18:24). Friendship is something that has to be cultivated, and its roots must go deep, just as a tree’s roots go deep allowing it to weather the storms. Love must be the soil that the friendship is planted in for the roots to grow deep.

Loyalty: When we cultivate our friendships and relationships with love it will produce loyalty. Sometimes our friends do more for us in an emergency than our own relatives do! David had a loyal friend in Jonathan. In I Sam 19:1-5, Jonathan pleads with his father, Saul, to not kill David. Why did Jonathan plead for the life of his friend...because of his love and loyalty to him. Jonathan and David were a shining example of loving, loyal friends.

Keep a Confidence: "A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret" (Prov. 11:13, niv). If we aren't careful, gossip can ruin a friendship. No one wants to hear their private discussions spoken out of the mouths of others. When we gossip we usually don’t share the best qualities of the other person, right? So, when we find ourselves wanting to point those things out in others, the wise thing to do is to cover the offenses with love (Prov. 17:9; 1 Peter 4:8).

Controlling the Tongue: James calls the tongue, “A restless evil, full of deadly poison (James 3:8). But if controlled, can be a tool for God to use to praise him and encourage others. Remember that "a man of understanding holds his tongue" (Prov. 11:12, niv). Yet, we all get ourselves in trouble now and then and speak things we wish we could have grabbed right out of the air as they came out of our mouths. So, if you happen to be a recipient of someone who speaks wrongly of you, talk to them about it privately. Don’t try to take matters in our own hands to get back or get revenge. (Prov. 24:28-29; Prov. 25:18).

Tough Love: "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful" (Prov. 27:6). True friendship or any relationship for that matter, can't be built on deception. Even if "the truth hurts," it can be nothing but healing in the long run - if it's given in love. It’s only in the presence of Truth that the Spirit can use truth combined with love to build character. Satan on the other hand uses lies and flattery to tear things down (Prov. 29:5). "He who rebukes a man will find more favor afterward than he who flatters with the tongue" (Prov. 28:23). It has well been said that flattery is manipulation, not communication. I don’t know anyone who wants to be manipulated. But there are tons of people all around us that need a faithful friend that will speak truth in love.

Forgiveness: We must never take our friends for granted and think that they will immediately forgive our offenses, even though forgiveness is the right thing to do. "A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle" (Prov. 18:19). The reality is that some followers of Christ will forgive offenses from unbelievers that they would never forgive if a fellow believer committed them. Matthew 18:15-17 gives us the steps to take when such things happen, and our Jesus warns us that an unforgiving spirit only puts us into prison (Matthew 18:30)! Think about it...the other person may not even know that they offended you, but you’re miserable (sitting in Jail) because you won’t forgive them.

Counsel and Encourage: “The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense." (Prov. 27:9, NLT). We’ve all been there. Confused, not knowing which way to go, or what the answer is to a complex situation. Then a close friend offers a much needed outside perspective on the situation. How refreshing it is when the confusion clears. Almost like the freshness of a Spring morning - can’t you smell the fresh breeze and flowers even now? The images of oil and perfume are fine when the discussion is pleasant, but what's it like when friends disagree? "As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend" (Prov. 27:17). We’re never all going to agree. I don’t thing God expects us to agree 100% of the time. So when we don’t see eye to eye...take the opportunity to step back, ask God about the situation and allow yourself and your friend to discuss it calmly, maybe with a third person, or neutral person. Done right, we can all come out better in the long run, and usually with a better understanding of one another.

A happy family, encouraging friends, and good neighbors: Let's be sure we do our part to make these blessings a reality in our lives and the lives of others. Ask yourself this week: What can I do to be a better friend, co-worker, neighbor, husband, wife, etc.?